It has probably driven you to the point where it constantly crosses your mind to the point of obsession and if it hasn't its going too soon trust me. You probably live your life stressed out about if you should come out of the closet or not? Constantly worried about how your friends and family will react if you tell them your "big secret". But the truth is that everyone’s view is different on the gay subject. There have been countless stories that have been written on blogs, emails, novels, MySpace and even newspapers about gay men and their life stories. If you really wanna change your life only YOU can do it. They're desperate, breathing but not living, they're here but not with themselves. I'm 16 now and I don't give up my struggle and will not. I also told my best friend and she only thanked me for sharing this. I'm not.Īnd it's the matter of being a human. That's the perceptivity and that's the matter. If you don't have a boy or girlfriend you cant exist in world. When you say you're a gay they only laugh at you or ignore you.My mum's still silently crying why she's punished like this. Things not good here.Some people even don't know what a 'gay' means. And of course this doesn't change anything too. When I say I was a gay to my parents, I was immediately send a psychologist to become a normal. It's just always hiding in a place of our lives.I wanna show people this,the truth.They of course don't wanna understand me. It really shocked me(Guess how we not acknowledged are). I see homosexuality exists before I was born.
But the books doesn't only help me to forget the devil. What happened then? I continue living with the devil.I can only forget the devil when I was reading a book. When I was in Qur'an Course in a mosque everyone says: 'Homosexual demons are invading the world.This is the doomsday!'Īnd so I hate homosexuality.It was all a demon in your soul and must be punished at once.Everyday I went the mosque and prayed God to become a normal and rescue myself from this devil.
It was only a part of me, hiding and a silent part. I couldn’t bear being left alone.”Ĭomfort eating sweets and chocolate, he would sit in the shower for hours, in a daze.įinally, last October, he was invited to DJ at an 18th birthday party at a local function room and, after his brother Joe, then 19, offered to stay with him throughout, he accepted.'Can a Turk be a gay? 'That's a question asking to the public in my country.That's a question about me. I couldn’t even go to the bottom of the garden. “I lost control, chucking tables and chairs around, and screaming, ‘I want to die’. “For the next month, I wanted to die,” he said. Too scared to stay in Manchester, fearing it might happen again, he moved back in with his parents in Newark.
Sam (left) with his brother Jake and friend Kirsty, at the Boardmasters Festival, in Cornwall, in August 2015.Īfter taking internal swabs, blood tests, and photos of Sam’s cuts and bruises, the police officers - who he said were “brilliant” - took the clothes he had been wearing when he was attacked. Jan said: “It was horrific to hear what had happened. Sam’s girlfriend phoned his mum Jan, and care homes manager dad Gary, both 49, who drove to the flat in Manchester.
“I had the same clothes on and smelt of the blokes. “I wasn’t interested.”Īfter officers arranged for him to have swabs taken later that evening, to collect evidence, he was told he could not wash. I wanted to shower but they said no.”Īll three of them were interviewed by police, who then drove Sam to the place where he remembered seeing car park arches, after leaving the hotel - hoping to pinpoint the location of the crime. “It was only the thought of my family, that it would have destroyed them, that I thought, I can’t do it to them.”īack home, he broke down as he told Brady and his then girlfriend-of-18-months, who does not want to be named, what had happened. He recalled: “I took some cash out to pay my rent. Left with internal cuts and bruises, Sam remembers staggering home, in a daze. Sam with his friend Brady, who was with him on the night out before the pair got separated.